It’s taking every ounce of my being to hold on to this belief. Later today I will officially decline the job offer and I could cry thinking about it. Most of you are wondering why I’m turning down a job when it has such meaning to me and I’m asking myself the same question. The bottom line is I will have to live near poverty if I accept this job offer. One paycheck would not cover a month’s rent in this city and if I commuted from my hometown I would spend 2/3 of my paycheck on gas. All my loans will be paid off in 4-5 years. Man that’s a long, long time. I used to tell myself to just hold on until your loans are gone but it seems my progress is so slow. I’m sure there’s a better repayment option out there for my student loans but trying to talk to someone and understand not only their accent but what it all means is impossible. It has been a long time since feeling this down. I’d be better off curled up in a ball hidden from the world in my bed.
I really want to take off work tomorrow for no reason other than I don’t want to go.
Another drug related death on my hometown. This time the victim is someone I knew growing up. I was never a close friend but knew who from a distance pretty well. She was a few years younger than me and mostly I remember her always being in some kind of trouble with her parents and sometimes the law. She had a drug history but was thought to be clean for the last year.
My hometown is being hit hard. Another young mom a few years younger than me has been in the hospital in critical condition since mid week. She was found unresponsive by her mother. I’m not sure what made her mom check on her but it’s a blessing she did. Drugs again is the culprit. I’m surprised in her case because I’d not known her to be into drugs. It just shows how unpredictable that stuff is these days. I hope she can recover and stay clean. I hope the same for my hometown.
It’s not looking good for the job. They came back with another offer and I’m not sure it’s something I can accept. She’s checking on some additional benefits questions I asked and will be calling back.